..??

What do you do when you get sent to the A&E and you get admitted at the age of 32? What do you do when the doctors tell you when your odds point to cancer? What do you do when you lookat yourself and think of the future? What do you do when all you do is think about the what could have happen?

I have just been confirmed by the doctor certified Chronic Myeloid Leukemia at the age of 32. Sad as it may seem I  am at a loss for understading these conditions rights now. (Like winging it!) But i hav to face it soon ion 20 April 2016 which is just next week. With all that is going on now I am afriad of what can and might happen during the course of this effect. Losing my job for that matter. Losing the energy to serve and play drum for music ministry. Change of alot of lifestyle habits. Going into debt. Going on with no end. Losing the understanding of God’s love. Losing faith. Breaking bones. Easliy getting sick. Not being able to work for atleast 2 years or even two hours in a day. Not having enough money to support these treatments. I still have not read the side effectsof the meds I have to take. 1’s way cheap and the others are way too expensive. I am at a loss for words. Fatigue is like common feature now and I can’t concentrate as much. My mind is everywhere.Having a little bit more time to myself is also good but still don’t have any clue what to do as of now. Stuck in the middle. Feelings are up and down. Sleep is still a hard thing to do to slep on time and getting up on time. My mind is still racing. Which is weird. Even after being warded.

I do thank God for the nurses in my ward or being so understanding and also the counselors too. I was surrounded by sick old people. I was the only 32 year old there. I felt so weird at that moment. Singapore is really just to expensive. Medical bills are way to high or that matter too. Even doctors have to help with the gray lines and round abouts.  I still than God for fmily and friends and colleugues too for all their prayers. My mind, heart and soul is still in shock rom what I am hearing and going to hear in the next few months. Haven’t sek he Lord proper.

Caught between spiritual living and physical mindsets.

My heart and mind is looking at the situation like woah. Past year through the strive of having better profit margins and crazy work where people almost had to scream at each other due to their selfishness or for whatever reason. We all as a company were trying to balance the bar between relationships in the office and with God. The best point even when the bosses are preaching the same nominal role of pushing us to respect our leaders. thinking that we don’t but actually we do. As all of us are trying hard just that we don’t have much time to talk. ( Its not I don’t respect you! I don’t respect the situation that we are in!) – Don’t hate the player but hate the game. in that metaphor – you can control situations and outcomes. I was still asking this question is anybody bigger than God? Bosses to leaders and small leadership roles. Demanding respect was something I only understood in and in due situations but having to give is another.

Things that God has revealed to me was alot of things that alot of humans that can cut pass face value and having full value for pure word promise to actions and understanding what God’s principles are for HIS people. Not for the human leadership. Yes! we have leaders to leaders and bosses to boss us around but nobody is bigger than God for sure. Try demanding respect from God when you still have sin n your life! I think we all know what this outcome is. Zapp!

I had had to give to one of my superiors who explained the situation as leaders not all leaders are perfect. Yes I understood that long way back. But still, transparency is needed in God’s house. Which I know that makes a family unit and bond so strong by the grace of God’s we all know where we stand as a company in a circular world and marketplace. Yes actions do count. But demanding respect nah. I stop action acting when I went to bible school with an understand the relationships are important more then the work and the expense of the people to energy usage. True action by heart is always by God not force but perfectly by God thats my belief. Of course also practicing giving.

I am caught in between having to stay or go. If and ever this situation comes. I am caught so bad due to a physical, mental and emotional burnout that I can’t seem to move as fast as I usually can. Even in the last few weeks. After a company so called retreat and management meeting. We all had face the 20% blessing and through this strive then I saw the love and grace of God. Which was so true, without pain we would never learn. not striving with our minds and heart and our own will. During the trip it had shown alot of changes after strife. God love just when wrapping around people like me and other who needed the rest which was kinda cool!

Alright i will have to stop here. If you do read this please do comment and give me some insight about what you think can be done in a christian culture in the market like the office culture and market. Tell me about what you think too I am open to option to understanding people too. Learning is something I never had.

Thanks for dropping by!

We have to proclaim!

Just a small quote in proclaiming what God can do for us as sons and daughters in Christ. Thinking & speaking and proclaiming God’s gifts and staying in that light. Something small I picked up while listening to Bill Johnson sermon. In the beginning of the sermon that turn into prayer in proclaiming God’s promises and gifts. Prosperity in living with a purpose in spreading the word of God to sowing seeds in giving to others when we have enough in and from God.

Just simple stuff or pointers I picked up when I was listening to it.

Proclaiming the 5 Streams of income:

1. Interest in income / growing interest in income. (I hope that is a right pointer)
2. Rebate returns.
3. Cheque’s in the mail. (Bonuses from God)
4. Gift surprises.
5. Finding money. (It really just might drop out of the sky)

As we (christians) are working and getting blessed by the Lord we should also bless others too. And feed the poor too. As we practice giving time and love and money to fund other peoples lifes I pray that God will give you wisdom in managing finances and other short comings we have.

Tim

Its hard….

I find things might just get a little a harder when my mentor leaves this current company. In every manner of speaking right now I have no backer but God and God alone. Consider this as a hard stand with people and righteousness as politics calls in for every of ….,. Selfishness! How much more can you and I take to a very big extent of unwanted pain and useless banter. Which does waste time. I pray that in my current situations that everyone progresses in the right manner as christians. But are We doing it right?

A few thing I have learnt from my mentor was to give due respect to leaders and even manage yourself as a person. He has this verse in the bible he always says:
Philippians 4:New King James Version (NKJV)

13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.
– the superman verse. There is no give for weakness /complacency.

I’ll leave you to think for what can be achieved of what we all can be and can become when doing RIGHT! Standing right for me is also hard especially against selfishness. (Unless you have a reason for it!) Then act upon being more like Jesus. Work with long-suffering! I pray that each day that we learn to be more like Jesus and may peace be upon the restless & heavy hearts that are fighting internal wars at the work, inviting God’s presence into your workplace. AMEN!

Some interesting reads!


http://ciotti.quora.com/Is-Your-Brain-Truly-Ready-for-TV-Porn-or-the-Internet?ref=fb&share=1

Brains and more then brains! Things we think we can handle but in most times we are over stimulated.

A case of the crazies intended to null you. Both ways taking your time away from God and life itself. So just take some time to think over bearing TV dramas that shape the attitudes and emotions.

Get a book to read and learn more. Or just spend time with God!

Its getting tighter.

Yes I  sound like I am complaining and stuff like that. Most things I do find an irony. So much so that things don’t much brighter even if you have a job to do. Which in pleasing everyone which I had only one proposition which is to do what I can and do it as well as I can. Which in the process trying move away from the showy statues of work / showing face – cause you have too!!! To that much extend of trying to do what is needed is overlooked by others too. For I am the lowest in rank in the office. Which I don’t mind but due to my IQ  or Intelligence. 

Now that my superior is now trying to pin me to the wall for work ethics and like do it once do it good concepts which usually fails in the end, because of human error which is like 10 to 20 percent of time. Which I still think is common. unless you are that human that has major excellent job skills and work life management skill and the health to cover everything at one go. Points taken to most things done in real excellence in life.  For whichever thing I am doing I am learning from some of the best in life skills and work life skills. I do find that most thing are for show and useless. Taken in a Christian sense. We still live for ourselves and most most things count when they don’t. Like hard truths.

Why I typed was this was because I now had to go through bullshit scolding for nothing. Finding even if you were “Christian” we all are still as selfish as ever. Of course one thing was to prove my worth in the company. The other is to maintain it year by year. And I am guessing being assertive is to take command like the way my boss told me to my face. Don’t waste time, make movements go right. I really wish it was that easy just to rush us with a loaded gun to our backs. The critical mindset of things to come has made some things impossible. Like paper work. BACK LOGGED too. 
 
As much as I only know this much for my job i Pray for more strength and wisdom and guidance and dependency on GOD!!!  For only God know why we are treated in ways I never understood. And yes I am typing this during my lunch. 

This was interesting enough!

Past few weeks had gone by at work without much hitches and sorts. With most time idling at work because of the long hours at work. I started to question God~ Does this company still need me even after the company shifts to a new place? (as the training academy is separated from the main office). It seems, on the day where I had to go back to do some staff at the main office which of course there was a back lot of paper shuffling to be done and at the same time having spent most time away from the main body of the company.

I was surprised that my immediate superior came to talk to me to see how were things going at the external training site. And yes, going through the process of answering his question came a very important TALK! Which of course I was scared….. He called me into the meeting room to tell me this.

Superior: I have been talking to the other management team members and they find that I was valued to the company.

(which after he asked)

Superior: What do you think of joining the team??? Permanently?

(I paused for like 3 to 4 second before answering)

Me: Well~ I definitely would like to join,(and i continued to say) But i need to adjust to company settings again which i hope is fast. (As i have been always working mostly alone at the training academy / centre and as an extension of the company).

At this point my mind had moved so much so that God actually had answered my question. And then again I went back to work wondering should I walk away from this job after I am done with this contract. (on basis of Little foot productions)  Thinking about this project and thinking about the freedom that came with it. Like doing music again and side projects of designs and pre productions.  Of course the struggle too being the boss.

Then another thought came in to my mind~ Will I be a white elephant in the company if the thing for support logistic and admin assistant is not needed? when the shift is done?

I came to only this conclusion. To support my side projects. I need capital. Which now i am short of. And maybe in time if God wills my life to do my own business then I will follow through. I pray that I really walk this straight and narrow. Thank God for the opportunities to open to which I need my proper stability finically and in mental too. I pray for the strength and guidance too. Spiritual clarity and pureness of heart in love in what ever i am called to do.

Right now still worried about what is about to happen!

You hear the cry of the broken! Thank you Jesus.

For the last few  months in my church, the sermons have been moving into God’s peace, being still, prayer & compassion. Which I feel that as Christian’s we should always be looking out for each other and praying for one another and to spend time with God . 

For me at this time having semi heavy hours work in an office setting for the first time we all just have to take time to REFLECT with God. Keeping it God centered in every aspect of our life. Just an encouragement to others. Try sitting down for like 5 mins even however possible or busy your life may be.

Just do a simple reflection and you might see a difference in having a sound mind  and peace with what Jesus has taught in the Bible. 2 Timothy 1:7

Words with right motives have power. Wrong motives calls for trouble in every sense. 

Something That was posted in Facebook!

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.