What do you do when you get sent to the A&E and you get admitted at the age of 32? What do you do when the doctors tell you when your odds point to cancer? What do you do when you lookat yourself and think of the future? What do you do when all you do is think about the what could have happen?
I have just been confirmed by the doctor certified Chronic Myeloid Leukemia at the age of 32. Sad as it may seem I am at a loss for understading these conditions rights now. (Like winging it!) But i hav to face it soon ion 20 April 2016 which is just next week. With all that is going on now I am afriad of what can and might happen during the course of this effect. Losing my job for that matter. Losing the energy to serve and play drum for music ministry. Change of alot of lifestyle habits. Going into debt. Going on with no end. Losing the understanding of God’s love. Losing faith. Breaking bones. Easliy getting sick. Not being able to work for atleast 2 years or even two hours in a day. Not having enough money to support these treatments. I still have not read the side effectsof the meds I have to take. 1’s way cheap and the others are way too expensive. I am at a loss for words. Fatigue is like common feature now and I can’t concentrate as much. My mind is everywhere.Having a little bit more time to myself is also good but still don’t have any clue what to do as of now. Stuck in the middle. Feelings are up and down. Sleep is still a hard thing to do to slep on time and getting up on time. My mind is still racing. Which is weird. Even after being warded.
I do thank God for the nurses in my ward or being so understanding and also the counselors too. I was surrounded by sick old people. I was the only 32 year old there. I felt so weird at that moment. Singapore is really just to expensive. Medical bills are way to high or that matter too. Even doctors have to help with the gray lines and round abouts. I still than God for fmily and friends and colleugues too for all their prayers. My mind, heart and soul is still in shock rom what I am hearing and going to hear in the next few months. Haven’t sek he Lord proper.
My heart and mind is looking at the situation like woah. Past year through the strive of having better profit margins and crazy work where people almost had to scream at each other due to their selfishness or for whatever reason. We all as a company were trying to balance the bar between relationships in the office and with God. The best point even when the bosses are preaching the same nominal role of pushing us to respect our leaders. thinking that we don’t but actually we do. As all of us are trying hard just that we don’t have much time to talk. ( Its not I don’t respect you! I don’t respect the situation that we are in!) – Don’t hate the player but hate the game. in that metaphor – you can control situations and outcomes. I was still asking this question is anybody bigger than God? Bosses to leaders and small leadership roles. Demanding respect was something I only understood in and in due situations but having to give is another.
Things that God has revealed to me was alot of things that alot of humans that can cut pass face value and having full value for pure word promise to actions and understanding what God’s principles are for HIS people. Not for the human leadership. Yes! we have leaders to leaders and bosses to boss us around but nobody is bigger than God for sure. Try demanding respect from God when you still have sin n your life! I think we all know what this outcome is. Zapp!
I had had to give to one of my superiors who explained the situation as leaders not all leaders are perfect. Yes I understood that long way back. But still, transparency is needed in God’s house. Which I know that makes a family unit and bond so strong by the grace of God’s we all know where we stand as a company in a circular world and marketplace. Yes actions do count. But demanding respect nah. I stop action acting when I went to bible school with an understand the relationships are important more then the work and the expense of the people to energy usage. True action by heart is always by God not force but perfectly by God thats my belief. Of course also practicing giving.
I am caught in between having to stay or go. If and ever this situation comes. I am caught so bad due to a physical, mental and emotional burnout that I can’t seem to move as fast as I usually can. Even in the last few weeks. After a company so called retreat and management meeting. We all had face the 20% blessing and through this strive then I saw the love and grace of God. Which was so true, without pain we would never learn. not striving with our minds and heart and our own will. During the trip it had shown alot of changes after strife. God love just when wrapping around people like me and other who needed the rest which was kinda cool!
Alright i will have to stop here. If you do read this please do comment and give me some insight about what you think can be done in a christian culture in the market like the office culture and market. Tell me about what you think too I am open to option to understanding people too. Learning is something I never had.
Thanks for dropping by!
Just a small quote in proclaiming what God can do for us as sons and daughters in Christ. Thinking & speaking and proclaiming God’s gifts and staying in that light. Something small I picked up while listening to Bill Johnson sermon. In the beginning of the sermon that turn into prayer in proclaiming God’s promises and gifts. Prosperity in living with a purpose in spreading the word of God to sowing seeds in giving to others when we have enough in and from God.
Just simple stuff or pointers I picked up when I was listening to it.
Proclaiming the 5 Streams of income:
1. Interest in income / growing interest in income. (I hope that is a right pointer)
2. Rebate returns.
3. Cheque’s in the mail. (Bonuses from God)
4. Gift surprises.
5. Finding money. (It really just might drop out of the sky)
As we (christians) are working and getting blessed by the Lord we should also bless others too. And feed the poor too. As we practice giving time and love and money to fund other peoples lifes I pray that God will give you wisdom in managing finances and other short comings we have.
I find things might just get a little a harder when my mentor leaves this current company. In every manner of speaking right now I have no backer but God and God alone. Consider this as a hard stand with people and righteousness as politics calls in for every of ….,. Selfishness! How much more can you and I take to a very big extent of unwanted pain and useless banter. Which does waste time. I pray that in my current situations that everyone progresses in the right manner as christians. But are We doing it right?
A few thing I have learnt from my mentor was to give due respect to leaders and even manage yourself as a person. He has this verse in the bible he always says:
Philippians 4:New King James Version (NKJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.
– the superman verse. There is no give for weakness /complacency.
I’ll leave you to think for what can be achieved of what we all can be and can become when doing RIGHT! Standing right for me is also hard especially against selfishness. (Unless you have a reason for it!) Then act upon being more like Jesus. Work with long-suffering! I pray that each day that we learn to be more like Jesus and may peace be upon the restless & heavy hearts that are fighting internal wars at the work, inviting God’s presence into your workplace. AMEN!
The joy of small.
I Love it when I down size my room in many different ways in creating more space for relaxation and lesser hassle to clean. The things I see now like having game console and books to bicycles and other equipment in the house. Do we ever use it to it full potential?
Just a thought about how much we all waste in life with our money too which I am trying to learn how to PIE out my cash flow too. Here is an article about downsizing in simple method of giving things away you really don’t need. Which I know will help you better live without clutter!
Whats in my room list!
1. 42 inch tv – Used
2. PS3 – Used
3. Road bicycle – Semi daily rides!
4. Drumstick and practice – Used
5. HP laptop – Used
6. Mac Power-book – Used
7. Samsung tab – Used
8. Books – Downsized from 400++ to a nibble 100+
9. DVD/blueray’s/cd/others cds – Plastic cases should to a plastic recycler. DVD & cd in a pocket folder.
Few other I things you might use more often then not……………
Brains and more then brains! Things we think we can handle but in most times we are over stimulated.
A case of the crazies intended to null you. Both ways taking your time away from God and life itself. So just take some time to think over bearing TV dramas that shape the attitudes and emotions.
Get a book to read and learn more. Or just spend time with God!
Since I am here why not log!?
Past few days I feel like I have turned my back on God going back to old habits. But I am trying to stay positive and trying to stick to the straight and narrow road that He has given me.
Hard enough finding time after signing the contract including the shift of the company.
Right now my learning statues is …..
1. Trying not to spend to much money on things that are not needed.
2. Trying to save more.
3. Applying daily bible read and journaling.
4. Complete a book or books that i need to read.
5. Sitting down to pray more and and spending time in God presence.
6. Asking for a soundmind from God.
7. Tithing and church building project offering.
8. Concentration at work.
9. Peace and proper rest.
10. Memory training like memorising bible verses.
11. To plan for future career.
12. Not to turn back!
13. Start a simple project.
14. Save up to buy drum set and other drum equipment.
15. and the list goes on…………….
This is all for now but I pray that the next year I will find joy in everything I do even at work and in service to God in church. Playing drums and singing is all I can do for God.
Thank God for his mercies are new every morning!!!!
Past few weeks had gone by at work without much hitches and sorts. With most time idling at work because of the long hours at work. I started to question God~ Does this company still need me even after the company shifts to a new place? (as the training academy is separated from the main office). It seems, on the day where I had to go back to do some staff at the main office which of course there was a back lot of paper shuffling to be done and at the same time having spent most time away from the main body of the company.
I was surprised that my immediate superior came to talk to me to see how were things going at the external training site. And yes, going through the process of answering his question came a very important TALK! Which of course I was scared….. He called me into the meeting room to tell me this.
Superior: I have been talking to the other management team members and they find that I was valued to the company.
(which after he asked)
Superior: What do you think of joining the team??? Permanently?
(I paused for like 3 to 4 second before answering)
Me: Well~ I definitely would like to join,(and i continued to say) But i need to adjust to company settings again which i hope is fast. (As i have been always working mostly alone at the training academy / centre and as an extension of the company).
At this point my mind had moved so much so that God actually had answered my question. And then again I went back to work wondering should I walk away from this job after I am done with this contract. (on basis of Little foot productions) Thinking about this project and thinking about the freedom that came with it. Like doing music again and side projects of designs and pre productions. Of course the struggle too being the boss.
Then another thought came in to my mind~ Will I be a white elephant in the company if the thing for support logistic and admin assistant is not needed? when the shift is done?
I came to only this conclusion. To support my side projects. I need capital. Which now i am short of. And maybe in time if God wills my life to do my own business then I will follow through. I pray that I really walk this straight and narrow. Thank God for the opportunities to open to which I need my proper stability finically and in mental too. I pray for the strength and guidance too. Spiritual clarity and pureness of heart in love in what ever i am called to do.
Right now still worried about what is about to happen!
This week has been a crazy one. Work is picking up in my current job and doing some side line for this company future. Hate planning as much as doing detailed planning. But what the heck things you have to do and become more analytic about thing just because of money.
I believe that if God see us doing the right with money will be given more maybe not in only in money but also in service to God. One thing I am still learning is to really trust God for everything.
Will be putting more info in time to come for business plan are not quiet there yet.
And yes i have started typing out my life story. there will be one pace dedicated to it. So yah, keeping doing my thing. More great things happening, even if the world is getting slowly twisted to the plastics society.